Attachment
Communicating Confidence
Clinginess
Rivalry
Coping with loss

As babies grow it is easy to see them developing physically. Alongside this a child develops mentally and emotionally. Mental health is often confused with mental illness. We all have a mental health; babies and children are no different from adults. Mental health is simply what it says; the health of the mind. As a baby develops he/she tries to make sense of their world. A baby will experience a huge range of feelings , just as adults do. Since babies and young children have none, or few words at their disposal, they will express their feelings using a range of behaviour. A happy baby or child is one who’s emotional needs are met. It is your challenge to respond to behaviours in a way which reassures and helps the child to make sense of his/her world.

Your baby attaches to you emotionally as well as physically during pregnancy. Just as smoking, exercise and diet will effect your baby’s physical development, so baby’s emotional development will be influenced by your own feelings. Throughout pregnancy your baby is totally safe in the womb, kept at a constant temperature, getting all the nutrition needed on demand, day or night, and feels totally contained. After birth the baby has to adjust to enormous changes. No longer is there food on tap via the umbilical cord. No longer is the baby’s body temperature constant, and there are all sorts of new experiences to make sense of. For example, a cry might mean “I feel hunger”, or “I want company.” By giving baby the breast, or a bottle, you will reassure them that food will still come when hunger is felt, but now by a different method. By giving a cuddle your baby will be reassured that you are still there and will continue to feel safe.

For nine months your baby has been getting to know you. Whilst in the womb your baby’s heart rate will increase when your voice is excited or cross. On the other hand, when you talk softly and gently your baby will relax, and their heart rate will slow down. So already when your baby is born he/she can recognise your voice and will respond to its tone and volume. Taking the time to talk softly with your baby whilst you share eye contact will encourage them to respond to you with gurgles and smiles. This will in turn encourage you to listen to and talk to your baby as they grow and their communication skills develop.

As children get older language becomes an important way of making sense of who they are. Language is not only about what’s said but how it’s said and being listened to as well. Give your child time to speak. Look into their eyes and let them know you’re listening. (we can all tell if someone isn’t really listening to us, and children are no different.) speak in a calm and confident manner. Use words of praise and encouragement. Through doing this your child will begin to feel valued as a person, will think of themselves in a positive light, and will be filled with confidence

Young children will gradually feel confident to explore their world and travel further and further from their main attachment figure (usually their mother, but may be another person). Just as we learn to walk before we run, so a child explores the world in a series of stages. A child needs to feel that he/she can always return to a safe place before feeling confident enough to explore further a field. By reassuring your child, and taking things at their speed you will help them develop the confidence to become independent, and to bounce back from difficult times.

Every child wants to find a special place in their family. When there is a new arrival it is perfectly normal for your child’s behaviour to change. This change of behaviour is usually only temporary. By reassuring your child that they too are special you can help their behaviour return to normal.

Babies and young children experience loss in a similar way to adults. The loss may be the death of someone close to the child (family or friend), parents separating or a change of circumstances such as moving house, or unemployment of a parent. The child may at first deny what’s happened, get angry, feel guilty, despair, and finally, over time, accept what's happened and make sense of it. This process is a normal and natural reaction to loss. You can help your child through this process by talking openly and factually, listening, being available for them with your love and reassurance.

Often at times of loss there is lots of change going on. Your own behaviour may change, routines might also change, and emotions will be different. When this happens your child may behave differently from their normal self, and you may find it hard to understand why. The reason for this change in behaviour is that children are very sensitive to change, and will pick up on your own feelings. Although it may be a difficult time for you personally, your child will be helped by you showing extra patience and understanding, as well as keeping their routines as close to normal as is possible.

Understanding and helping your child to develop emotionally will help them as they grow and progress through school and beyond. It will help them learn, meet challenges, develop talents and deal with life’s ups and downs.